The Ministry of Defence has proudly unveiled its latest innovation: the “Sunbeam” missile, a revolutionary weapon powered entirely by solar energy. Officials claim this breakthrough will redefine modern warfare, though slightly overcast conditions during the launch ceremony somewhat dampened the enthusiasm.
“This is a game-changer,” declared a beaming (if slightly squinting) Undersecretary for Slightly Experimental Armaments, Sir Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe. “Imagine, a missile that requires no fuel, no costly maintenance, just pure, unadulterated sunshine! Our enemies will be left blinking in the face of its eco-friendly might.”
However, sceptics have raised concerns, notably regarding the missile’s performance during Britain’s notoriously frequent periods of meteorological melancholy. “What happens when it’s cloudy?” enquired a journalist from the ‘Bognor Bugle’. “Does it just… hover, waiting for a gap in the cumulus?”
Sir Reginald, visibly flustered, retorted, “Nonsense! We’ve fitted it with a highly sophisticated ‘optimistic ray collector’. It… it finds the sun, even when it’s hiding. It’s very British, you see. Stiff upper lip and all that.”
Sources suggest the MoD is currently developing a backup system involving a team of highly trained squirrels equipped with tiny magnifying glasses, just in case the optimistic ray collector proves overly optimistic. The Sunbeam, they assure us, will herald a new era of sustainable destruction.